Thoughts on recent reading

Hi friends! It’s really been awhile, hasn’t it? An embarrassingly long time. But a lot of things have happened since then…

Mainly, I’ve been in a reading slump. A two+ years reading slump. I know, the worst kind. Over the past 2-3 years I’ve read only a couple of dozen books. When compared to all the years before that when I was reading hundreds of books? It’s frustrating, to say the least. When there is something that you love to do, but can’t find the motivation to do it. That to say, it has made blogging a bit hard. I haven’t read any books, really, to review and blogging about books hasn’t been as exciting because I haven’t been surrounded by books. Depressing stuff.

But what do you know, I come back a half year later and WordPress is completely different and the blogging atmosphere feels … dimmer? More sad? Empty? I’m not sure. It just feels less vibrant. Where are all the people aching to talk to others about their newest obsession? Where’s the comradery? Am I just looking in the wrong places? Is it just my own lack of burning passion that makes it all seem less exciting? I’m not sure. But I definitely am wanting to get my feet back in the water, even if the community is shifting away from blogging and onto something like Instagram or youtube or something. Because lets face it. I love words and writing about them was what drew me into the blogging network in the first place.

This summer I’ve been gone at a summer internship. It’s at a prestigious school with decent pay and housing, but it has been stressful. By far one of the most anxiety-inducing jobs I’ve experienced (though it still doesn’t quite make the first of the list) and extremely time-consuming. Starting out the summer, I packed up a third of my bookshelf with hope that I would read. After all, I was away from my boyfriend, family, and friends so should I have a lot more reading time? Since I wouldn’t have evenings full of homework or weekends packed with work and activities, what would I do with that time? I promised myself I would watch a lot less TV and read a whole lot more.

Friends, let me tell you, that didn’t work out. For all good intentions, I was just tired. The job itself isn’t all that exhausting. In fact, I largely sit at my desk and listen to music while sorting through data (not exactly the glamourous lab experience that I had in mind). But emotionally and mentally, it was taxing. I found myself after work collapsing for a four hour nap just to wake up, make dinner, and go back to sleep. I didn’t want to be at the school on the weekends, so I drove after work for hours every Friday to visit loved ones. This left little time for reading. Or rather, I had time to read, but was filling it with other things to try and tide over the mental and physical exhaustion I was left with.

So what, if anything, changed? Honestly, I’m not sure. I just remember sitting through my lunch break watching my fifteenth or something youtube video and feeling like it was both unfulfilling and wasting my time. I would go back to my room to either cry on the phone or scroll through Instagram for hours. I felt even more drained by doing those things, I just didn’t feel like I could do anything else. But I am a determined person, if nothing else (after all, I am in the Slytherin house for a reason). I started bringing Blue Lily, Lily Blue with me to work (one of my absolute favorite book series). And, little by little, I found myself once more thinking about fictional worlds and aching to be engrossed in the pages, losing track of time.

And so I read.

It’s only been a matter of weeks, but I’m already tearing my way through my fourth book. (Just a figure of speech! No books were harmed.) I don’t want to get myself too excited, but I also don’t want to waste this opportunity. I’m reading during my entire lunch break. In the evenings, I make myself dinner, curl up with my giant stuffed seal, and read. My weekends are still full of long trips and quiet evenings in silence with others, but that time is just as necessary as books. Is it completely revitalizing me? I wish I could say it was. I still feel exhausted and, lets face it, depressed. But at least I’m feeling productive; I am re-immersing myself into a nostalgic passion. I am well aware of the fact that, in a matter of weeks, I will be back home falling into my old patterns. A matter of weeks after that, I will be back of the throes of college, now as an upperclassman. All of these could once more take away the love and motivation of reading that I am currently enjoying. Yet that is precisely why I am writing this post, I guess. Why I am taking every spare moment I can to read. I want to take advantage of this precious time while I still have it.

What is the purpose of writing all of this? I suppose it is to take advantage of this possibly brief high, as mentioned. But it feels more than that. Perhaps I’ve merely just missed the blogging world and the friends that I am slowly losing connection with. Perhaps it is because I’ve missed the act of writing purely for the joy of it. Or perhaps it is to complain about my summer job. Regardless of the intention, I am so happy to be here.

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